How Not to Talk to Your Kids

DAILY MUSE | I recently heard a Faith Middleton Show discussing an article in New York Magazine entitled “How Not to Raise Your Kids”. It’s intriguing and a bit disconcerting for those either raised by parent’s who praised them or who are currently raising children whom you praise. I’m not so sure that I buy the full premise of the article– that apparently praising your children is not such a good thing for them. Personally, I think a proper balance between praise and discipline would be most effective… Then again, I’m not a scientist. Nor a parent. But I was a kid. And I’m a active godparent, dedicated to my goddaughter’s spiritual, creative and emotional development. In that respect, consider the article and take a look for yourself…and then let’s discuss.

What do we make of a boy like Thomas?

Thomas (his middle name) is a fifth-grader at the highly competitive P.S. 334, the Anderson School on West 84th. Slim as they get, Thomas recently had his long sandy-blond hair cut short to look like the new James Bond (he took a photo of Daniel Craig to the barber). Unlike Bond, he prefers a uniform of cargo pants and a T-shirt emblazoned with a photo of one of his heroes: Frank Zappa. Thomas hangs out with five friends from the Anderson School. They are “the smart kids.” Thomas’s one of them, and he likes belonging.

Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child. When he applied to Anderson for kindergarten, his intelligence was statistically confirmed. The school is reserved for the top one percent of all applicants, and an IQ test is required. Thomas didn’t just score in the top one percent. He scored in the top one percent of the top one percent.

But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. In fact, Thomas’s father noticed just the opposite. “Thomas didn’t want to try things he wouldn’t be successful at,” his father says. “Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn’t, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, ‘I’m not good at this.’ ” With no more than a glance, Thomas was dividing the world into two—things he was naturally good at and things he wasn’t.

Continue reading the New York magazine article

I will post an audio link to the Faith Middleton Show as soon as I find it.

UPDATE | I just made the connection that the article was written by Po Bronson, who wrote What Should I Do With My Life a great book for people searching for a change in their life. It was pretty big a few years back. Even made it to Oprah.

(Photo: Phillip Toledano; styling by Marie Blomquist for I Group; prop styling by Anne Koch; hair by Kristan Serafino for L’Oreal Professionnel; makeup by Viktorija Bowers for City Artists; clothing by Petit Bateau [shirt and pants])

TODAY’S MUSE : The Windhover

DAILY MUSE | I love this poem, its imagery and the pure sound of it. Take some time today for yourself and speak the poem aloud. Really… you’ll see what I mean when you hear the sound of it.

THE WINDHOVER

I caught this morning morning’s minion, king-
dom of daylight’s dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn falcon, in his riding.
Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing
In his ecstasy! Then off, off forth on swing,
As a skate’s heel sweep smooth on a bow-bend: the hurl and gliding
Rebuffed the big wind. My heart in hiding
Stirred for a bird, – the achieve of, the mastery of the thing!

Brute beauty and valour and act, oh, air, pride, plume, here
Buckle! AND the fire that breaks from thee then, a billion
Times told lovelier, more dangerous. O my chevalier!

No wonder of it: sheer plod makes plough down sillion
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, ah my dear,
Fall, gall themselves, and gash gold-vermillion.

-Gerard Manley Hopkins

(Thanks to my friend Karen for sharing it with me.)

Click here for a general introduction to TODAY’S MUSE.

TODAY’S MUSE: An Introduction

DAILY MUSE | Classical tradition holds that there are nine muses. I believe there are more. One for everyday in fact.

In addition to offering links to creative nourishment in THE DAILY MUSE, I will be featuring a daily post called “Today’s Muse” which will offer a daily participational focus for those on a creative path. It may take the form of a thought, idea, riddle, koan, something to do, be, see, smell, taste, hear, touch, ponder. It may be a practical exercise or a caprice, a whimsy. It may be abstract or concrete, divergent or convergent in thought and intent. Whatever form the Muses take, I hope that they will offer positive spiritual and creative growth for all of you who choose to particpate. I do these for myself, but am sharing them with you all to participate in as well. Please share any thoughts, ideas, experiences or creations that come to you through the Muses.

OK, so let’s get going…